Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Awareness (in One Act)

Many players are so unaware, they wouldn’t notice an elephant defecating in the middle of the table“Whatever general style you play, you must always modify it to reflect the styles of your opponents, and the current texture of the game . . . . That said, many players are so unaware, they wouldn’t notice an elephant defecating in the middle of the table.”
--Roy Cooke, “Managing Your Game Style,” CardPlayer, Vol. 21, No. 8 (April 29, 2008)
Seat 8: “Nice hand.”
Seat 7: “Thanks.”
Seat 8: “Has it gotten darker in here?”
Dealer [tapping felt in front of seat 2]: “Big blind, please.”
Seat 3 [exhaling]: “Am . . . I . . . ever gonna get a hand?” [mucks cards]
Seat 4: “Waitress!” [Waves hand.]
Dealer: “On you, sir.”
Seat 4: “Ehhh . . . [mucks] . . . Somebody dim the lights . . . ?”
Seat 7: “I should have bet more on the end there.”
Seat 8 [shaking head]: “Nah.”
Seat 7: “You do call forty there.”
Seat 5: “Fifteen.”
Seat 6: “Call.”
Seat 8: “Not forty . . . .”
Seat 7: “Thirty?”
Dealer: “Fifteen to stay.”
Seat 7 [mucking hand, chuckling]: “Oh . . . you’d’ve called forty . . . ”
Seat 8: “I call.”
Seat 9 [mucking hand]: “I’m out.” [Stands up.]
Seat 10: “Mmm . . . [mucks]”
Seat 1: “It is darker in here . . . [mucks].”
Seat 2: “Call . . . now, c’mon dealer . . . do me right now . . . ”
Dealer: “Four to the flop.”
Seat 8: “I can’t see the board. Where are the lights?”
Dealer: “Nine of clubs, nine of hearts, ten of clubs.”
Seat 2: “Ten.”
Seat 1: “What’s that noise?”
Seat 5: “I raise . . . forty-five.”
Seat 6: [mucks]
Seat 3: “I been sitting here for three hours and I’ve seen exactly one pocket pair for three . . . Whaddya . . . what noise?”
Seat 4: “Gimmeya . . . Dos Equis. Please. Thanks . . . ”
Seat 2: “Sounds like a generator or something . . . what is that dealer?”
Seat 8: “Why would they turn the lights down . . . [mucks]”
Seat 1: “Call.”
Dealer: “I don’t know. Two to the turn.”
Seat 2: “Sounds like the air conditioning . . . ”
Dealer: “Jack of clubs.”
Seat 5: “Action card.”
Seat 7 [voice lowered]: “Folded a nine.”
Seat 7: “Dunno.”
Seat 1: [taps table]
Seat 5: “All in.”
Seat 3: “Lord, what is that smell?”
Seat 4: “Huh?”
Seat 3: “You smell that?”
Seat 1: “How much?”
Dealer: “One-twenty . . . twenty-five . . . thirty . . . . One-forty-two.”
Seat 8: “What’s that?”
Seat 7: “Jack. Clubs. He’s filled up.”
Seat 3: “Somebody hit the buffet . . . HARD.”
Seat 4: “Man, oh man . . . you’re right . . . ”
Seat 3 [voice lowered]: “Must’ve been . . . .” [Points thumb toward the empty seat 9.]
Seat 1: “A little quiet, please.”
Seat 5 [holding nose]: “Gawd . . . . Sorry.”
Seat 1 [turning head back from Seat 5]: “I call.”
Seat 5: “Boat?”
Seat 1: “Not yet . . . . Trips.”
Seat 5: “Club please.”
Seat 8: “What’s he got?”
Seat 7: “Club draw . . . and . . . there’s a shadow . . . ”
Dealer [taps table, burns, deals]: “Three of clubs . . . flush beats three of a kind . . . ”
Seat 1: “Cra-a-a-a-p.”
Seat 7: “That stinks.”
Seat 8: “What?”
Seat 7: “He got there.”
Seat 8: “Oh . . . right . . . . Why is it so dark in here?”
Seat 5: “Sorry, dude. That was nuts.”
Seat 2: “There is that sound again.”
Dealer [tapping felt in front of seat 3]: “Big blind, please.”
Seat 3: “Can I get a seat change . . . ?”

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2 Comments:

Blogger Short-Stacked Shamus said...

Shamus, you shoulda stopped with the picture. Leave the funny to Julius Goat . . . .

5/14/2008 8:39 AM  
Blogger Waldo's Wild Kingdom said...

"Check please"

5/18/2008 10:07 PM  

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